How To Be A Turkey On Twitter
TWITTER TURKEYS. It’s what I call newbies who get on Twitter and do everything wrong. They spam links. Tweet about their purple poodle’s bowel movements and follow everybody under the sun.
In short, they make themselves look like turkeys… which are plump birds for marketers to munch on… but ugly and noisy as sin.
And although there’s hundreds of ways to Tweet on Twitter. There’s also hundreds of ways to be a Twitter Turkey. So here’s a buncha things you should probably never do on Twitter.
You’ll notice, that most of these are fine in small doses. You’ll also notice that no “Twitter Turkey” believes in moderation.
So let’s get rolling… here it is…
How To Be A Turkey On Twitter:
• Don’t read the user agreement at all.
• Better yet, read it and deliberately ignore it.
• Never follow anyone at all.
• Follow everyone on Twitter. Till they ban you.
• Follow then unfollow people after they follow you.
• SPAM everybody with your awesome links.
• Post ten quotes every day. “Lao Tzu Says… yadda…”
• “Re-Tweet” yourself. Alot.
• USE ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME
• Write like a Rob0T.
• Use LOL, LMAO, ROTFL
• Don’t forget to add a lot of “smilies” 
• Put “hash tags” on everthing. Especially this one: #JasonBetter
• Tweet every 5 minutes. “I’m at the mall. I’m at the parking lot. I’m home.”
• Tell what you eat. “Just ate a biggie mac and fries.”
• Tell them what it looks like after you eat it.
• Tweet about you dog, cat, or ferret every few minutes.
• Actually set up a Twitter Profile for your pet.
• Share lots of your links. “Hey check out my blog. Hey… Hey… Hey…”
• Send lots of automated direct messages. Man, I hate those.
• Follow the Twitter trends. And “Tweet” about all of them
• Follow everybody. Seriously, I dare you. There’s actually limits!
• Set up lots of fake profiles with numbers in the name. Like BritneyLX67
• Don’t put a picture up at all. You look creepy anyway.
• Don’t use a bio. Or worse, use your bio space for spammy links.
• Correct everybody’s spelling or grammar. Cuz that’s funn.
• Make sure your links are misleading and all lead to dating sites.
• Talk to yourself. “I wonder what I’ll wear today?”
• Tell me what you bought. “I bought some rubber bands and a banjo.”
• Tag three random people for kicks. @Britney263 @Roboflop @WriterChick
• And basically do all of the above over and over again till someone flips out.
Anyway, I’m sure newbies are inventing new ways to annoy people on Twitter every day. “Turkey lurkey” is practically a science these days. And I figure it’s only a matter of time till we can all get a degree in Twitter Turkey-ness.
Then again, maybe I’m not being fair to the newbies? We all start somewhere and I was a bigger turkey than most.
And if you have any of your own pet peeves about Twitter Turkeys… I’d love to hear them. Comment and share your pet peeves today. 
Tweet soon,
Jason Better
P.S. Hey, It would be really cool of you if you could “Re-Tweet” this post for your Twitter friends. I know this type of content tends to be popular there and if you liked it… it might be something your followers will like too. Thanks again.
27 Comments
Trish Oleary on November 20th, 2009
Awesome post Jason!!! I hate those automated DMs also, yuck:(
[Reply]
November 20th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Hey Trish,
Yeah, they aren’t bad if they’re considerate, but some
are are downright rude. Then the worst part is when
you get it several times in a row!
Thanks for dropping in.
[Reply]
Kirk on November 20th, 2009
Respond to EVERYONE that follows you with some stupid copy and a link to your “SECRETS TO MAKING MILLIONS IN THE NEXT 26 SECONDS” page
COMPLAIN
[Reply]
November 20th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Hah Kirk,
Yeah. I know. That’s a big one on
Twitter… always the next big
million dollar overnight sales letter.
[Reply]
Donna Newby on November 20th, 2009
Hi Jason,
I have been reading your posts for some time now, and I just wanted to thank you for sharing some excellent content, that has definitely helped me & my partner Marc become Better Networkers.
I remember our Turkey days! and I guess thats why as soon as this post hit my in box, not only did it make me giggle ( I think your sense of humour is great )but I also couldn’t resist reading it their and then to make sure we had graduated to eagle school! and I think we are well on our way.
I have gladly retweeted this valuable lesson in the hope that some of my Turkey’s will take the next step in bettering themselves.
Thanks again Jason, have a great weekend.
Donna
[Reply]
November 20th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Hey Donna. Thanks!
I really appreciate you taking the
time to comment and let me know that
you’re reading. It made my evening.
I’m blessed to have readers like you.
And I think we’ve all had our turkey days!
Thank you again.
[Reply]
John Rothstein on November 21st, 2009
If I retweet will Mike refollow me? LOL, LMAO, ROTFL, etc…
[Reply]
November 21st, 2009 at 10:46 am
Haha. Well some rules are made
to be broken. It all depends
on what you’re using Twitter for.
I think we all have a little Twitter
Turkey in us. 
[Reply]
Rebecca Geiger on November 21st, 2009
Gobble gobble…
my fav: “I bought some rubber bands and a banjo…”
dalling dalling, twang twang.
Gosh my favorite dislike is “hey I sent you some blorkincrap.. so send some back to me here http://www.crapinblork.com cause I don’t really care who you are
[Reply]
November 21st, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Haha. Gobble gobble back at ya Rebecca.
I tried leaving a comment on your blog
and I’ll be darned if it didn’t let me. I think
it’s just me… I’ll look into it… musta missed
an e-mail somewhere.
[Reply]
Angelica Ried on November 22nd, 2009
I don’t like it when I receive automated messages with “those” links. I loved one that said something like “Yeah, this is an autoresponder but I wanted to say hi”. No links and fun, if I could only remember the person… I’m only guilty of a couple of things but I keep learning and heading to Eagle School. Thanks Jason!
Angelica
[Reply]
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Hey Angelica,
Yeah, I totally hate those too. I
don’t see anything wrong with
autoresponders in general but
some messages are so boring
and lifeless.
It’s like the marketer doesn’t even
care about his market at all.
[Reply]
Mitchell Dillman on November 23rd, 2009
Hey there Jason,
Finally back from the most power packed live events of my life. WOW, you better watch out, this carpenter’s going biG! I’ll have to show you my pics. Go check’em out at fb. Sorry we didn’t see you there.
Anyway, this post is interesting. As you know, I’ve been giving Twitter much thought lately, starting to have some fun with it.
It seems I’ve been so ‘uptight’ about doing everything just right I was losing myself. I think if you just be yourself and share what’s on your mind your more likely to find your ‘birds of a feather’ and build some quality relationships.
Thanks for your insight, and hey, you’re alright man, I don’t care what anyone says!
I’ve got to get busy, on a mission to knock some dudes off the stage at the next event, they know I’m comin…
Your buddy,
Mitchell Dillman
Eco Warrior
[Reply]
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:59 am
Hey Mitchell,
Nice to hear. I think that’s key. Have
a good time. Work can be fun too.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed with it all.
Twitter, events, writing… geeze. But hey,
it all adds up.
Here’s wishing you luck…
Knock ‘em out.
[Reply]
Wishing You A Happy Thanksgiving!Network Marketing Business Blog on November 26th, 2009
[...] How To Be A Turkey On Twitter 15 Rejections To Answer Objections [...]
Judd Parco on November 26th, 2009
Oh, gosh.
I think the reason that people are so spammy on Twitter is that there seem to be so many auto-tweet programs and auto-following programs that only promote spammy behavior! =P
After reading this post, I decided to unfollow some of these silly spammers.
And guess what? I actually read some awesome tweets from my really good friends, not marketers.
Friends?
I know that everyone considers Twitter and social media sites like Facebook and BetterNetworker as marketing pieces, but when it comes down to it, it’s all about relationships.
Oh well.
Maybe the spammers will figure it out someday and read this post!
Good job, Jason! ;]
[Reply]
November 26th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
@Judd Parco
I second that. Good advice
for anyone to follow. I wish Twitter
would ban auto following and auto DM
entirely. Not that it can’t be used for good
but it’s abused alot.
[Reply]
Scott Manesis on November 28th, 2009
Too Funny!
I have been guilty of some of these things in the past but hopefully not to the degree that I have made people upset with me.
The Twitter turkey that annoys me the most is one you did not mention. I have to tell you this gets me heated up every time I see it.
I am one of those people who carefully does my own due diligence on any product or service that I personally put my name on and promote.
So my vote for the biggest Twitter Turkey move goes to the guy who insists on promoting his deal with a link and an @myname as if I actually endorse the deal they are promoting.
9 of 10 times it is a deal I would not go near with w 10 foot pole.
~Scott
[Reply]
November 28th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Hey Scott thanks for dropping in.
I hate those too… plus the ones where
they name 3 random people and tell
you to click their link. 
Or even worse… the auto DM!!
[Reply]
Mary on February 17th, 2010
Twitter, Facebook, & Linkedin…The new wave of internet marketing???
Poppie.
[Reply]
February 18th, 2010 at 9:39 am
Definitely!
I would focus on one instead of three though.
Keep it simple.
[Reply]
February 18th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Hi Jason,
What happened to the BN forum?
Does it still function?
I really enjoyed that & when I moved last year, I lost it & figured it must have closed down.
Can you let me know please?
My name is Mary, but everyone calls me Poppie now, so I go with that!
Thanks Jason.
[Reply]
February 18th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Hey Poppie,
The BN forum is still going strong.
Here’s the link:
I agree with you Jason and yes we were there at some point but the difference is we learn from our mistakes and moved on. Hopefully the others will do the same. Jason thanks for your blogging it helps me a lot with just simple tips and techniques. You have a bless and awesome weekend!
[Reply]
November 20th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Hey LeShawn,
Thank you much. Yeah, I
think we all have to make our
mistakes. But as long as we
keep moving forward. It’s all
good.
Have an awesome weekend
too.
[Reply]